


Hamildresden, Track Five: Death Masks ("Vampire Dueling Questions")

by Rob Nobody (RobNobody)



Series: Hamildresden [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda, The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Genre: B-plots, Book 5: Death Masks, Canon compliant-ish, Dueling, Duelling, Gen, Musicals, Retelling, Song Parody, Vampires, surprisingly difficult for such a short song, wait is it one l or two?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:21:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26985088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobNobody/pseuds/Rob%20Nobody
Summary: The challenge: you face Duke OrtegaIf you refuse to fight, he kills your friends and neighborsPart five of my inexplicable quest to adapt a different song fromHamiltonfor every book ofThe Dresden Files.
Series: Hamildresden [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1912114
Kudos: 4





	Hamildresden, Track Five: Death Masks ("Vampire Dueling Questions")

**Author's Note:**

> To the tune of "[The Ten Duel Commandments](https://genius.com/Anthony-ramos-lin-manuel-miranda-jon-rua-leslie-odom-jr-and-original-broadway-cast-of-hamilton-ten-duel-commandments-lyrics)." Try it out with the [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cAEvusPrpY)!

[MEN]  
Who, what, where, when

[FULL COMPANY]  
Why, next, whether, take, how?

[ORTEGA/HARRY/SHIRO/THOMAS]  
The Vampire Dueling Questions

[FULL COMPANY]  
The Vampire Dueling Questions  
Fighting who?

[SHIRO]  
The challenge: you face Duke Ortega  
If you refuse to fight, he kills your friends and neighbors

[COMPANY]  
Fight with what?

[SHIRO]  
If you're in, here's the list, choose your weapon

[HARRY]  
It depends upon how threateningly I threaten

[COMPANY]  
Fighting where?

[THOMAS]  
Have your seconds meet face to face

[ORTEGA]  
I can't believe he's mine…

[HARRY]  
Nor can I believe this must take place

[ORTEGA]  
We have picked the place, meet at Wrigley Field

[COMPANY]  
You should yield cuz your fate is sealed  
Fighting when?

[SHIRO]  
It's tomorrow at dusk, don't be late  
We don't want our neutral emissary to wait

[HARRY]  
She's just a little girl, she's here for this hostility?

[KINCAID]  
She has all human knowledge to provide formidability

[COMPANY]  
Why?

[THOMAS]  
Duke Ortega wants to end the war

[COMPANY]  
Dresden's death ensures there's no more in store  
What comes next?

[HARRY]  
Shiro's gone, I must make him proud  
I will not be cowed  
Then that sitch gets settled with the Shroud

[COMPANY]  
Whether?

[THOMAS]  
There's no way out. Win or lose he'll quickly  
Make a battleground out of infields inside of Wrigley

[COMPANY]  
Take the bait?

[HARRY/ORTEGA/THOMAS/SUSAN]  
The Archive will officiate  
Mordite at midpoint, move it with your mind to decimate

[ORTEGA]  
Wizard Dresden

[HARRY]  
Quite a con, Don

[ORTEGA]  
So you refuse to cede and say you'll carry on?

[HARRY]  
Yawn  
You can bet I am set on my response, Don

[ORTEGA]  
And the war? Your death would bring détente, son

[HARRY]  
Yeah and, how many kids die cuz you Reds are super-bloodthirsty and ravenous?

[ORTEGA]  
You won't be survivin' this

[COMPANY]  
How to win?

[HARRY]  
Look him in the face, don't give way, no  
Focus all your will like a volcano  
Then ask

[MEN]  
Who, what, where, when

[FULL COMPANY]  
Why, next, whether, take, how?

[HARRY/ORTEGA]  
Ready?

[COMPANY]  
Look, sniper!

[HARRY]  
Fuego!

**Author's Note:**

> This was SUPPOSED to be an easy one. I mean, it's already about a duel, right? And yet I felt compelled to change almost everything anyway. It still bugs me that I left one line completely unchanged.
> 
> Also, I can't _begin_ to tell you how much, upon making the inexplicable decision to change the framework from numbers to questions, I really wanted to turn the whole thing into a riff on "Who's on First?" I mean, it's already at a ballpark!
> 
> Oh, and once again, Kincaid sneaks in and steals one of Burr's lines.
> 
> UPDATE: I wasn't really satisfied with this, so I updated a few lines to make the "questions" framing device flow a little better, and fix a couple of rhymes. Is it actually better? I don't know. Third base!


End file.
